We named our party play list daddy issues
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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