Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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