I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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