That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
