Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
