The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
