You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
