I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
