yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
