If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
