The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
