my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize