You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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