So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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