I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
