now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
