He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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