So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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