so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
