My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
