I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
