i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
