im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
