I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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