We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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