I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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