last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
