now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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