hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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