HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
