Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize