I skipped work to stalk him.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
