There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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