He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
