How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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