new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
