how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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