I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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