Im at strip club and am horny
my mouth tastes like poor choices
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
