Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize