KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
