sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
