Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
