Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I could make wine with my vomit
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
