I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize