I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's just like the Real World with babies
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
