ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
