According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
All I want is dick and wine.
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