i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
