I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
