I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
