Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
