The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
