my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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