Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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