How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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