I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
