You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
