It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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