He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
