If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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