I heard we made out
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
