I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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