So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
