My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize