I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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