As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
