Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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