she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
