I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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