So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
this will be a night to untag.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
