Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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