guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
