They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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